Black

This day a year ago; It was dark, black, and cold. I should’ve been happy but something was missing. I had fought so hard to get to this place but really, I wasn’t quite there yet. I sat in the corner of my one-bedroom apartment. No furniture. No food. Just me and an empty space. The only thing at this point in my life to call MINE because everything I had watched be stripped from me; One thing at a time. So, I sat there, numb to the world around and was in desperate need to scream but I couldn’t. Everything on the inside of me was yearning to do it but it wouldn’t come out. Then, I felt again and a tear rolled down my face and it was then I knew that life wasn’t over. I laid my favorite heart blanket on the floor and RESTED.

It was like someone came and took all my weapons and ensured me that I was safe. And that’s exactly what happened to me, God came and said no need to fight I’ll take it from here.

Then, it happened…I screamed.

Not a scream of torture or torment that I knew all too well but of freedom. I finally built up the courage to be vulnerable with God again. I exhaled and wanted to ask him so many questions but I just enjoyed the space I was in with him. Nothing else mattered anymore but in that moment, he introduced me to ME. But not from a place of condemnation because I had done some horrible things but from a place of redemption. THAT SCARED ME TO DEATH but he promised that my recovery would be full of his amazing love if I trusted him. I didn’t have anything left to lose so I signed up immediately! My way of escape had come and I began my life after death with the only one that fully understood the wounds I had. Was it easy; Heck no! Was it uncomfortable, MOST DEFINITELY! But the process, even though I couldn’t see it, I knew it would be worth it! 

I said all of that too say this; THE PROCESS IS EVERYTHING. You can’t skip through it or take shortcuts! Its apart of your making. It’s the process we go through that build character and stretch our faith. It shows us the many layers God has. You can never say that God is a friend until you are lonely and he becomes your bestie! And as you get to know him on a real more intimate level you realize he is all you need. DON’T FORSAKE THE PROCESS. It’s here to make you greater in God. 

Keep pushing! Keep grinding! You’re building muscle!